Tuesday, February 11, 2014

V-Day — A Helpful Guide

Hey kids. It’s almost Valentine’s Day! Are you stumped trying to figure out what to do for your person? Are you stuck in a romantic rut? What about you singletons? What do the lonely do on the loneliest of days? Haydz can help.

Scenario #1: You are casually dating someone. What are do they expect from you, goddammit???
Key word: CASUAL. Valentine’s Day is just like any other day, just with more hearts and fat babies with bows and arrows. Don’t cave to the pressure. Throw some overpriced chocolates their way and go about your business.

Scenario #2: You’re in a newish relationship and you want to do something nice for your person. How much is enough?
Depends. How old are you? Are you in high school? High school = massive balloon bouquet so everyone knows they're yours. After high school = flowers to their job so everyone knows they're yours. It’s all about showing off to their friends. Your person wants everyone to know that they've got someone who loves them enough to buy them things. They'll act embarrassed but secretly LOVE it.

Scenario #3: You've been with your person for a while and can’t figure out what to do for them.
For you long-haulers, Valentine’s Day is about reaffirming your love. You don’t need to buy your person something expensive. Do something nice for them. Wash their car. Do the laundry. Cook for them. Order in from their favorite restaurant. If there’s a task you've been putting off, get it done. Promise to go somewhere they want to go. GET A CARD! If you’re not verbose, let it speak for you! Attach their favorite candy. A grand gesture isn't necessary. The most important thing is that you’re together.

Scenario #4: You’re alone. Love sucks.
If you’re single, Feb 14 can be the worst day of the year. There are several ways you can deal with it.
  1. Hang out with your other single friends. You’ll be less sad when you’re around your people.
  2. Form a protective bubble. Turn off all external stimuli. Answer the door/phone for takeout only. Read. Watch movies. Snuggle with your pet(s). The day only lasts 24 hours. You can outlast it.
  3. Turn on your happy face. This may be your last Valentine’s Day ever as a free agent, so you should savor it. Things can change in an instant. Go out and have fun. 

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Thankful 2012

It's that time of year again. Time to gorge myself on turkey, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, and pumpkin. Oh yeah. And reflect on what I'm thankful for. As I sit here waiting for Steve to get ready to head over to my sister's house, I think about the long, tough year it's been and all that I have to be thankful for.

I'm thankful for the return of Excedrin Migraine.

I'm thankful for a healthy family.

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I'm thankful for internet cats. Especially Grumpy Cat.

I'm thankful for coworkers who embrace and encourage my Internet cat addiction.

I'm thankful for stretchy pants which allow me to ignore the fact that changes in my meds have caused me to gain ungodly amounts of weight in the last few months.

I'm thankful for best friends who still take me on lunchtime shopping trips with them, despite the fact that we no longer physically take lunch together.

I'm thankful that I will not be alone this holiday season, for the third time in a row.

I'm thankful for the man who is keeping me sane and happy this holiday season.

I'm thankful that said man understands my quirks and loves me in spite of them.

I'm thankful for my fluffy cat who kept me warm through the 11 days I was without power or heat after Hurricane Sandy.

I'm thankful for new books.

I'm thankful for headache-free days.

What are you thankful for?

Friday, October 19, 2012

Miss me?

Hey y’all. It’s been a while. I've been a bit busy these last few months, for a change. Haven’t had much time to write.

I’ll catch you up:

I got a job! I’m working as a legal writer/editor. It’s been taking up most of my time.

The rest of my time has been taken up by the massive revamp of my apartment, which (if you know me in person) used to be pretty abysmal. Not terrifying, just chaotic. Well now it’s been Stevified. And it’s pretty awesome. We’re almost done. We just have the bedroom to do and the transformation shall be complete! Details on the renovations to come.

I guess that’s all. The ouchies are still upon me, as usual.

Oh! I had pneumonia! That was fun. I may still have it. I can’t walk up a flight of stairs without wheezing, and now I have an inhaler. Super sexy, I know.

So look for updates soon. I have TONS to talk about. And it’s my favorite time of the year!

Monday, April 16, 2012

The crunchies

Sorry for the lack of posts, but I got a JOB!!! WOOOOO!!! When I'm not at work, I'm asleep or wearing my ouchies helmet. The ouchies are back for reals. More on that later.

I want to tell you what happened this weekend. On Saturday night, Maya was going crazy at the window because the crunchies were parading back and forth.

The crunchies are the night time creatures of my back yard, like raccoons, cats, possums, sqwrls, and other nocturnal animals that like to stalk by on the fence outside Maya's window and freak her out. They also freak me out if I have to go to my car when it's dark outside.

This is how I picture them.
Anyway, the crunchies seemed to be having a rave outside the window, because they were stomping around for hours. Maya kept vigil at the window all night.

Fast forward to the next day. Steve and I were going out and I was driving so I got in the drivers side of my car. Steve walked around to the passenger side and was about to get in the car when he paused, ducked his head down to look at me, and said "did you see that?" I said no. He told me to look away.

There was a dead bird on my car. A dead bird. On my car. And that's not the worst part. The bird wasn't whole. It was MISSING ITS HEAD!

I'm pretty sure the crunchies were trying to send me a message.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

An overload of cute

I have a new show obsession which almost killed me. I was at Steve's house flipping channels and saw on Animal Planet the new show Too Cute. I thought I was going to have a seizure. Fricken, KITTENS!!! And PUPPIES!!! Just parading around! All floppy-like and helpless! Holy frick, you guys! The first episode I saw featured three sets of kittens. The second episode I saw featured three sets of puppies, the first of which were PUGS OMG!!! I believe many of you know how much I adore pugs. All smoosh face dogs, really. But pugs especially, thanks to my darling God Pug, Dave.
I luff his face. 
My almost death happened at my parents' house. My dad has a television that is high def and literally bigger than me. I was waiting for my nieces to come over and flipping channels when Too Cute came on.

Kittens. Kittens three feet tall. In HIGH DEFINITION. It was too much. I couldn't breathe. Cuteness was overwhelming my system. Then my Hannah ran in and saw what I was watching and GASPED and reaffirmed how much I love that kid.

And that is the story of how I almost died of acute cuteness.