Wednesday, August 24, 2011

On funerals

Yesterday was incredibly sad. The sight of the baby in a coffin is one of the most awful things I've ever seen. It was heartbreaking. And seeing how destroyed my cousin and his wife were was hard to take in. I've been to many funerals (a perk of having a huge family) but this was by far the saddest.

As is Muslim custom, the viewing at the funeral home was brief, with a short talk given by the Imam. After, we all went to the burial ground for prayers graveside. We each gathered a handful of earth, split it in three, and tossed it into the grave. My cousin and other male relatives began to fill the grave. Then the back hoe came. That part is awful, watching this huge machine fill in the grave. And it takes a long time. I stood there with my cousins. It was comforting to have them there.

My paternal grandmother (who passed away in January) is buried not far from the baby's grave. After the funeral, a bunch of uncles, aunts, and cousins walked over to see her. One of my cousins pointed out that her grave site number, 130, is easy to remember because her birthday is January 30. I thought that was sweet. And it does help. The first time I went to visit her, I couldn't find her. I had forgotten her number. (Her permanent marker isn't in place yet. We have to wait until the ground settles because it's a flat marker, not a large headstone.)

Afterward, we all went to my cousin's house for food and company. A bunch of cousins wanted to go to the movies, so I joined them. It was nice spending time with them and sharing a much needed laugh. It made the day bearable. I only wish the circumstances of us hanging out could have been happier. It seems like I only get to see most of them at funerals.

So that was my Tuesday. And me being me, I had a huge headache the whole time. I took pain killers before we went to the movies and got pretty loopy. I think my cousins were amused.


I completely forgot this part! Between the burial and my cousin's house, my sister and I went to buy samosas and pick up the nieces. We went to Shalimar in Edison. Because I hadn't really eaten, I ordered a samosa and butter chicken to eat while our order was being made. My sister went out to park the car and saw two of my cousins on Oak Tree.

I was sitting at a table next to a young black lady with a baby in a stroller. We started chatting. She was having difficulty eating while holding the baby, so I offered to hold him while she ate, since I was done and just sitting there waiting. She gladly handed over the little guy. So I bounced him around and chatted with him while she ate. I noticed he had a bandage on his arm so I asked if he was ok. She said he has thalassemia and had just come from the doctor's office for tests. I asked how old he was. She said he will be 4 months on September 5. I almost started crying. The baby who's funeral I had just attended would have been 4 months on September 6. It was an incredible coincidence.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Sad day

My family lost its newest member today. My cousin's son passed away this morning after fighting to hang on to his life for just over 3 months. He lived his entire short life in the hospital.

He was born with a slew of medical problems. I take solace from knowing that he's no longer suffering. 

I am heartbroken for my cousin. I can't begin to understand what he's going through. The funeral is tomorrow.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Loving yourself as is

I recently read an article on Huffington Post about body image and its effect on your love life. It's no secret that I have self esteem and body image issues. I don't find myself attractive. I've never been thin, and having been off certain medications and being mostly sedentary since I've been out of work, I've gained weight. This is one of the reasons I've been avoiding social situations recently. (To anyone who's invitation I've declined lately, my apologies. I'll see you in the winter under a layer of sweaters.)

I know I'm not ugly. I'm just not comfortable with my appearance. I've never been. But I am with someone who thinks I'm beautiful. And that helps. In his eyes, I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. And hearing it from him almost makes me believe it.

So back to that article. It talks about self confidence and how it affects people's perception of you. Now, I have self confidence, just not in my physical appearance. Does that make sense? I have conviction in my thoughts and opinions, but not in how I look in dresses and skinny jeans. Does one enhance the other? Does confidence have to be tied to physical appearance? I do love myself as is, but there is an asterisk next to that. I love my mind. My body, not so much.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Going strong after a whole year

Yesterday was Steve and my first anniversary. We celebrated by him taking a half day off of work and going bowling with me. It was fun! I had a Groupon for 2 hours unlimited bowling (including shoe rental!), but we barely lasted an hour. He kicked my butt. I apparently suck at bowling, but got points for style. (I would only get a strike if I didn't look to see what I hit. Try it! It works!) After bowling, we went to the mall and then Target to kill time before dinner.

We went to one of our favorite restaurants, Go Sushi, for dinner. He had vegetable gyoza and beef negimaki, and I had the sushi special (tuna avocado, shrimp avocado, and to mix things up, the Alaska roll.) I believe I went wrong with the Alaska roll. I totally got food poisoning. I'm currently on my couch in the fetal position. I didn't sleep at all last night and all I've had to eat today is ginger ale and Pepto.

So our anniversary was slightly less than romantic. Thankfully, Steve is the best boyfriend ever and did not complain even though I kept him up all night and he had to be up at 6 am for work while I get to lounge around the house all day. I love that man. Happy Anniversary, Babe!