Tuesday, February 11, 2014

V-Day — A Helpful Guide

Hey kids. It’s almost Valentine’s Day! Are you stumped trying to figure out what to do for your person? Are you stuck in a romantic rut? What about you singletons? What do the lonely do on the loneliest of days? Haydz can help.

Scenario #1: You are casually dating someone. What are do they expect from you, goddammit???
Key word: CASUAL. Valentine’s Day is just like any other day, just with more hearts and fat babies with bows and arrows. Don’t cave to the pressure. Throw some overpriced chocolates their way and go about your business.

Scenario #2: You’re in a newish relationship and you want to do something nice for your person. How much is enough?
Depends. How old are you? Are you in high school? High school = massive balloon bouquet so everyone knows they're yours. After high school = flowers to their job so everyone knows they're yours. It’s all about showing off to their friends. Your person wants everyone to know that they've got someone who loves them enough to buy them things. They'll act embarrassed but secretly LOVE it.

Scenario #3: You've been with your person for a while and can’t figure out what to do for them.
For you long-haulers, Valentine’s Day is about reaffirming your love. You don’t need to buy your person something expensive. Do something nice for them. Wash their car. Do the laundry. Cook for them. Order in from their favorite restaurant. If there’s a task you've been putting off, get it done. Promise to go somewhere they want to go. GET A CARD! If you’re not verbose, let it speak for you! Attach their favorite candy. A grand gesture isn't necessary. The most important thing is that you’re together.

Scenario #4: You’re alone. Love sucks.
If you’re single, Feb 14 can be the worst day of the year. There are several ways you can deal with it.
  1. Hang out with your other single friends. You’ll be less sad when you’re around your people.
  2. Form a protective bubble. Turn off all external stimuli. Answer the door/phone for takeout only. Read. Watch movies. Snuggle with your pet(s). The day only lasts 24 hours. You can outlast it.
  3. Turn on your happy face. This may be your last Valentine’s Day ever as a free agent, so you should savor it. Things can change in an instant. Go out and have fun. 

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