The crunchies

Sorry for the lack of posts, but I got a JOB!!! WOOOOO!!! When I'm not at work, I'm asleep or wearing my ouchies helmet. The ouchies are back for reals. More on that later.

I want to tell you what happened this weekend. On Saturday night, Maya was going crazy at the window because the crunchies were parading back and forth.

The crunchies are the night time creatures of my back yard, like raccoons, cats, possums, sqwrls, and other nocturnal animals that like to stalk by on the fence outside Maya's window and freak her out. They also freak me out if I have to go to my car when it's dark outside.

This is how I picture them.

Anyway, the crunchies seemed to be having a rave outside the window, because they were stomping around for hours. Maya kept vigil at the window all night.

Fast forward to the next day. Steve and I were going out and I was driving so I got in the drivers side of my car. Steve walked around to the passenger side and was about to get in the car when he paused, ducked his head down to look at me, and said "did you see that?" I said no. He told me to look away.

There was a dead bird on my car. A dead bird. On my car. And that's not the worst part. The bird wasn't whole. It was MISSING ITS HEAD!

I'm pretty sure the crunchies were trying to send me a message.

An overload of cute

I have a new show obsession which almost killed me. I was at Steve's house flipping channels and saw on Animal Planet the new show Too Cute. I thought I was going to have a seizure. Fricken, KITTENS!!! And PUPPIES!!! Just parading around! All floppy-like and helpless! Holy frick, you guys! The first episode I saw featured three sets of kittens. The second episode I saw featured three sets of puppies, the first of which were PUGS OMG!!! I believe many of you know how much I adore pugs. All smoosh face dogs, really. But pugs especially, thanks to my darling God Pug, Dave.

I luff his face. 

My almost death happened at my parents' house. My dad has a television that is high def and literally bigger than me. I was waiting for my nieces to come over and flipping channels when Too Cute came on.

Kittens. Kittens three feet tall. In HIGH DEFINITION. It was too much. I couldn't breathe. Cuteness was overwhelming my system. Then my Hannah ran in and saw what I was watching and GASPED and reaffirmed how much I love that kid.

And that is the story of how I almost died of acute cuteness.

My cat has body image issues

Maya is a recovering bulimic*. Around age 4, she used to throw up constantly after she ate. Like, constantly. CONSTANTLY. Poor thing could barely keep her dinner down. She would binge and purge, usually onto or very near my favorite shoes. It was very sad. Her belly was very sensitive, but she was otherwise very healthy. She weighed around 7.4 lbs two years ago at age 4.

Her vet prescribed Pepsid. I gave it to her for a month, but didn't really see a big difference. I ended up switching her food from a regular indoor cat formula to Eukanuba Sensitive Stomach cat food. It worked wonders. It seems she just had a very delicate belly. Her weight zoomed up from 7.2 lbs to 9 lbs at age 6. Maya was officially chunky.

SO FLUFFY!!!

So now I have a fluffy, chunky cat and her weight keeps climbing. I know that the treats I give her for her "workouts" are part of the problem now that she keeps all of her food down, so I did some research and found some natural, low fat kitty treats.

I guess I should explain her workouts.

To get my mostly sedentary kitty moving, I hold up a kitty treat, wait until she sees it, then throw it across the room. My floors are hardwood, so she runs and slides to get it. Then she comes back for more. Sometimes she tries to catch them. It's highly amusing. We play this game daily.

Back to the treats. I ordered Catswell Vitakitty chicken jerky, Wellness Pure Delights chicken and lamb jerky, Thrill Natural Freeze Dried chicken cat treats, and Innova cat treats. All of these treats got excellent reviews, have high protein and low fat content, and hopefully Maya will like them. I spoil my little kitty.

I'll let you know how it goes when they arrive.







*Just to clarify, I don't take eating disorders lightly. I'm aware that bulimia is a serious medical condition. But I am also aware that I have a cat who binges and purges. So laugh, people. Laugh.

Maya needs a Catio

Maya has the boredom. I know this because she attacks the television when I'm watching it because the attention is off of her. She's normally a very well behaved cat, but ever since the television has entered our lives, things have changed.

It all started this Christmas when Steve got me a new TV and a Wii. I always had a TV, but I barely ever used it. Now I have a Wii with streaming Netflix and a new TV stand. And Maya doesn't like this. Now I no longer sit at my desk and let her lay across my arms while I type at my laptop. I sit on the couch and the laptop is on my lap and there is no room for Maya. She does not like this. Not one bit. Maya decided that the television is her mortal enemy. And it needs to be destroyed. 

First wave of attack: kill it with cuteness. Maya thinks that by distracting me with her fluffy butt, I will forget that there is a TV behind her and give her lots of love and num nums.

She's mocking me. You can see it in her eyes. 

This did not work. I attempted to deter her from sitting directly in front of the screen and batting at the screen by setting up a complex trap consisting of a cardboard strip with double sided tape stuck to one side (sort of like a weak glue trap) and bowls with fresh lemons on each side of the screen (lemons are natural cat repellants. I'm not kidding. Look it up.)

I'm watching Blue Planet. That's a shark. 

Maya scoffed at my feeble attempts to deter her and took the high ground.

Creepy cat is creepy.

I was out of ideas, but Maya had an appointment for a checkup, so I asked the vet if he had any suggestions for me on how to stop her from attacking my television. He said he'd never heard of anything like this. Awesome.

He suggested that I put on cartoons or nature shows or anything else very animated for her to watch when I'm not there so she can think that the TV is for her too. I didn't do this. But I did put on Blue Planet while I was there and we watched it together. 

So that brings us to the Catio. Steve and I have been watching Jackson Galaxy's show on Animal Planet and HE says that bored cats need outlets for their inner wild animal. So this weekend, we're going to Ikea and getting stuff to make a catio. That's a Patio for Cats. Or a cat friendly patio. Or something like that. Except I don't have a patio, so we'll probably just get shelves and make Maya a perch so she can look out the window and not attack my electronics. It's worth a shot. I want to keep her happy. She makes me happy. :)

Maya is good for migraines. Apply directly to affected area. 

Night terrors

The last few nights have been pretty dramatic in the Haydia household. I live on the first floor of an old Victorian house. In my bedroom, there is a fireplace that's been boarded over. I use the mantle as a backdrop for my vanity and I have a mirror propped up under it and my dressing table sits on the hearth. I used to love my fireplace. Not anymore.

Two nights ago, I woke up in the middle of the night and thought I heard scratching. I assumed we had a mouse. We occasionally get a field mouse stuck in the house and Maya usually chases it out. No big deal. She's a good hunter. So I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep, assuming Maya would deal with it and I made a mental note to walk carefully in the morning, just in case.

Fast forward to the next night. The scratching was louder. Much louder. Still, I ignored it. Maya was on the prowl, all good. I figured I would set a mouse trap or something the next day and I tried to go to sleep, but I was starting to worry.

Ok. Last night. The scratching? INTENSE! Like loud, constant, awful scratching. And Maya knew exactly where it was coming from. She sat under my vanity and stared intensely at the wall, Blair Witch style. So I freaked out because I saw teeny wood chips coming out from under the wall which meant that IT WAS ACTUALLY MAKING PROGRESS GETTING THROUGH and called my sister, who sent over my brother in law. And when he came over he told me to look in my yard. And I saw two large deer standing under my kitchen window. And that's when I broke.

I had to go sit down. Maya was running in circles. My brother in law was shining a light under the wall and then a little black hand reached out and tried to grab the light.

Want to know what I was dealing with?

Here you go.

And this is no where near as loud as it was in person. It was LOUDER.

My brother in law got some rat poison and shoved it under the wall and taped it over and put a mirror and a box in front of it so Maya wouldn't get too close to it and told me we had to wait for it to die or else it might escape into the house and wreak havoc on me and my cat. So yeah. I had to stay in the house and wait for the poor thing to die. So now I have a vengeful ghost raccoon living in my walls.


UPDATE: (as of a few seconds ago) 

Maya and I were chilling in the living room as I have been avoiding the death chamber that is my bedroom and I swear we both heard scratching. I know she heard it because she had been sleeping like this:

and then we both heard it and I looked at her and she was sitting straight up staring at me. So now we have a zombie raccoon situation.

Oh! And the deer eventually found the driveway and wandered off.

UPDATE 2:
I love animals. I love all animals. And I wrote this with a tilt to the funny, but I feel really bad for the little stuck raccoon. But it had to go. And I guess it was better to die quickly than to remain trapped and die of hunger? Either way, my brother in law wasn't going to open up the wall to get him out. I'm pretty sure it fell in from the roof and was stuck for a few days. And that's probably why I'm feeling so awful about it and don't want to go into my room. I feel like its tiny ghost is going to exact revenge on me for not being kinder to it while it was alive. I'm sorry, little raccoon guy! I don't have tools! My sister would have killed me if I cut into her walls! I'M SO SORRY RACCOON!!!!!

This is exhausting. I never want to sleep in that room again.

Maya cat

Maya turns 6 today!

A former coworker was a volunteer at a shelter. One day, she came to work with a story about a kitten the PSE&G guy had found in a dumpster and brought in to the shelter. She said the tiny kitten was a little snuggler and wouldn't stop talking. She showed me a photo and I fell in love. The next day, she brought the kitten in and we hid her in an empty office the whole day until I could take her home. That was 6 years ago. Maya is still a snuggler and still won't stop talking.

When I introduced Maya to my niece Hannah, Hannah was 2 years old and I had only just stopped being her full time nanny, so she was insanely jealous of Maya. She insisted that I call her Hannah-Maya and she would crawl around and purr and meow. She still does.

I am an unmarried, childless, unemployed, 31 year old, cat loving woman. What does this mean? This means that I am a crazy cat lady with too much time on my hands. So I have planned the ultimate hypothetical 6th birthday party for Mai Mai!

Guest list:

Steve (he's a CCM* but almost didn't make the cut due to allergies)

My sister's 5 cats

My 2 nieces

Steve's inside cat

Steve's outside cat

Food:

Fancy Feast (my baby only turns 6 once)

Pitr Pats

Greenies

Tuna water (oh yeah!)

Cat nip, but only for the adult cats

Activities:

I considered a bouncy castle, but with the claws, it would have been a disaster.

Instead, boxes. Lots of boxes in all shapes and sizes, scattered around. Maya has a serious box habit.
Also, laptop stations for butt warming.

Goodie bags will include:
Sparkle balls
Cat nip puffs
Crumpled up balls of paper

Happy birthday, baby. Mama loves you.

*CCM: Crazy Cat Man
I am a CCL: Crazy Cat Lady. Together, we are a CCC, or Crazy Cat Couple.

Controlling the fluff

I was petting Maya yesterday, and about an entire kitten's worth of fur came off of her. I decided it was time to groom her.

This is how we chill.

Maya getting brushed is a complicated ritual. I had to change into shorts and an old T-shirt and find her harness and leash. Then I had to catch her before she realized that I found her harness and leash, and wrestle her into it. Even before I get it on her, she goes flat and flips onto her back. Not easy to get it on her when her weapons are facing me. I finally got it on her, and we went onto the porch, with me carrying her because the harness and leash make her go into slither mode. We sit on the front steps and I make her sit down in front of me. And I brush. And she complains. I have the Kong kitty brush. I've found that this is the only brush that she will tolerate. I've attempted to furminate her in the past, and I still have the scars. So I brushed her, and she was good for the first 5 minutes. The problem is, she's got TONS of excess fluff and it takes forever to get it all. Maya got impatient. And started yelling. She would yell, then look back at me with sad kitty face on. So pathetic.

We were outside for about 25 minutes, and the amount of fur coming off in the brush never diminished. There were tufts of fluff flying around the porch. It looked like it had snowed. And still the fluff came off. It was NEVER ENDING. I finally stopped brushing her when the mosquitoes started biting. In 20 minutes, I got 7 bites. Not cool.

I stood up and attempted to brush the layer of fur from my clothes. This is why I have a special Maya-grooming outfit. I was wearing grey shorts and a blue T-shirt. By the time I finished, the color was no longer visible. I was covered in white. Looking around at all of the fluff flying around, I realized that this was that much less fur to fly around my apartment. And I felt accomplished. Maya was pissed. She chased around the fluff, trying to reclaim it.

I opened the door and tried to lead her inside but as I mentioned before, when she is in her harness she turns into a Swiffer. So I had to carry her in. I gave her her favorite kitty treats (Pitr Pats) and she settled down on the back of the couch. I swear she looks smaller now.

Kitty come home!

I saw on Facebook that someone I know has lost their cats. This got me thinking about Wesley, who passed away in 2004. He was an outdoor cat and would be gone most of the day. I always wondered what he did when he roamed. It seems some researchers in Illinois wondered the same thing. They fitted 42 cats with radio tracking collars and tracked their movements for two years.



Apparently, cats who have owners wander around a much smaller area than feral cats. I would have loved if they fitted the cats with teeny cameras, so we could see what they were doing. I'm guessing napping. In sunbeams.
As I type this, Maya has come over and lain across my left arm between me and the laptop. I'm guessing someone wants attention.