The crunchies

Sorry for the lack of posts, but I got a JOB!!! WOOOOO!!! When I'm not at work, I'm asleep or wearing my ouchies helmet. The ouchies are back for reals. More on that later.

I want to tell you what happened this weekend. On Saturday night, Maya was going crazy at the window because the crunchies were parading back and forth.

The crunchies are the night time creatures of my back yard, like raccoons, cats, possums, sqwrls, and other nocturnal animals that like to stalk by on the fence outside Maya's window and freak her out. They also freak me out if I have to go to my car when it's dark outside.

This is how I picture them.

Anyway, the crunchies seemed to be having a rave outside the window, because they were stomping around for hours. Maya kept vigil at the window all night.

Fast forward to the next day. Steve and I were going out and I was driving so I got in the drivers side of my car. Steve walked around to the passenger side and was about to get in the car when he paused, ducked his head down to look at me, and said "did you see that?" I said no. He told me to look away.

There was a dead bird on my car. A dead bird. On my car. And that's not the worst part. The bird wasn't whole. It was MISSING ITS HEAD!

I'm pretty sure the crunchies were trying to send me a message.

2011: Looking back

It's the last day of the year. At midnight tonight, I will be popping open a bottle of champagne with Steve and toasting to 2012. But before that, I thought I'd take a minute to look back on this year.

The past year wasn't an easy one. Financially, it was one of the hardest ones I've faced in a long time. I've been unemployed for just over a year and the job market for editors, writers, and journalists hasn't gotten any better. I believe I've applied to every job out there at least five times each, and I've revamped my resume countless times.

I've also had to deal with a lack of healthcare and the headaches that seem to be mounting in intensity. While I've been able to remain on my preventative prescriptions because of generally affordable generic drugs, what I need is a solution to the ouchies. Solutions require healthcare.

Fortunately, I'm still collecting unemployment. While it is a lot less than I was making, it is enough to keep me housed and fed. And for the rest, I have Steve. I've already gone on and on about how amazing he is and how much he's done for me. This year would have been much harder if it wasn't for him. I'm a lucky lady.

I've talked about the power of positivity in my blog before. It's something I've struggled with, and this year put it to the test. Faced with financial insecurity, constant pain, and an unsure future, there isn't much room for positivity, but I tried. And for the most part, I succeeded. The trick is to focus on the good. It's cheesy, I know. But it's been working.

Want to know what I've got that's good? It's silly, but I'll share.

When I'm sinking, I think about my adorable nieces and how lucky I am that I live so close to them and I can see them whenever I want. I think about how lucky I am that I have a boyfriend who adores and spoils me. I think about how fluffy Maya is and how great it is when she snuggles with me on cold days and becomes my space heater.

I told you it was cheesy. But it's what I've got.

So that was my year. No money, but lots of love. I can't wait for 2012.

Happy New Year!

Million dollar ideas

I've had a slight fever for the past few days. At night, I get a bit delirious. In delirium, I get amazing, mind blowing, million dollar ideas. Steve and I usually talk on the phone around 10 pm when we're both ready for bed so we can say good night. For the last few days, I've been too hyper and fevered when he calls to be sleepy, so I've regaled him with my awesome ideas.

My latest idea is a phone service where girls can call in for an emergency bff. I'll explain.

You know how you have those girlfriends who you can always count on to hype you up or agree with you no matter how ridiculous you are? I know I have my crew of friends and cousins who have my back. Well, sometimes they aren't always available. They have lives of their own! Hence my call in service. I'll have a staff of sassy bitches who will agree with whatever you need agreeing with. Or will back up whatever annoyance you have. Or give you advice. Or tell you he's no good. Or tell you that outfit makes your butt look amazing. Whatever the situation requires. It will be called "Dial-A-BFF" and it will be awesome.

No one steal my idea. It's mine.

On funerals

Yesterday was incredibly sad. The sight of the baby in a coffin is one of the most awful things I've ever seen. It was heartbreaking. And seeing how destroyed my cousin and his wife were was hard to take in. I've been to many funerals (a perk of having a huge family) but this was by far the saddest.

As is Muslim custom, the viewing at the funeral home was brief, with a short talk given by the Imam. After, we all went to the burial ground for prayers graveside. We each gathered a handful of earth, split it in three, and tossed it into the grave. My cousin and other male relatives began to fill the grave. Then the back hoe came. That part is awful, watching this huge machine fill in the grave. And it takes a long time. I stood there with my cousins. It was comforting to have them there.

My paternal grandmother (who passed away in January) is buried not far from the baby's grave. After the funeral, a bunch of uncles, aunts, and cousins walked over to see her. One of my cousins pointed out that her grave site number, 130, is easy to remember because her birthday is January 30. I thought that was sweet. And it does help. The first time I went to visit her, I couldn't find her. I had forgotten her number. (Her permanent marker isn't in place yet. We have to wait until the ground settles because it's a flat marker, not a large headstone.)

Afterward, we all went to my cousin's house for food and company. A bunch of cousins wanted to go to the movies, so I joined them. It was nice spending time with them and sharing a much needed laugh. It made the day bearable. I only wish the circumstances of us hanging out could have been happier. It seems like I only get to see most of them at funerals.

So that was my Tuesday. And me being me, I had a huge headache the whole time. I took pain killers before we went to the movies and got pretty loopy. I think my cousins were amused.

ADDENDUM!!!

I completely forgot this part! Between the burial and my cousin's house, my sister and I went to buy samosas and pick up the nieces. We went to Shalimar in Edison. Because I hadn't really eaten, I ordered a samosa and butter chicken to eat while our order was being made. My sister went out to park the car and saw two of my cousins on Oak Tree.

I was sitting at a table next to a young black lady with a baby in a stroller. We started chatting. She was having difficulty eating while holding the baby, so I offered to hold him while she ate, since I was done and just sitting there waiting. She gladly handed over the little guy. So I bounced him around and chatted with him while she ate. I noticed he had a bandage on his arm so I asked if he was ok. She said he has thalassemia and had just come from the doctor's office for tests. I asked how old he was. She said he will be 4 months on September 5. I almost started crying. The baby who's funeral I had just attended would have been 4 months on September 6. It was an incredible coincidence.

Begging for universal healthcare

Hey everyone. I'm writing to you after three continuous days of agony. I've been mostly in bed since Sunday with massive ouchies of the head. I've tried doubling the dose of Vicodin. Didn't work. Doubling dose of Percoset. Didn't work. Sleeping pills kind of work, except for last night when I was up until 4 am contemplating lobotomies.

I used to be (mostly) in control of my headaches. I would get a really bad one maybe once a month. But the really awful ones that take me completely out of commission for days on end were rare. Now I'm getting them almost daily. The reason? I can't afford the daily medication that I used to take to control it. Why? Because I am unemployed and have no insurance, so a monthly supply of it is over $300, which I don't have, since I'm unemployed. Can you see a pattern yet?

Being without a job sucks, but doubly so if you have a "condition." I looked into getting health insurance as an individual, but the cost was insane for a single person with low income. And because I am a single woman with no kids and am not pregnant, I do not qualify for programs like NJ Family Care or Medicaid. So now I cannot go to my neurologist because I cannot afford it. I get freaked out, thinking that there is something seriously wrong, but I have no way to find out because I CAN'T AFFORD IT. I am 3 years overdue for an MRI to see if there have been any changes to my brain, but there is no way I can get one done now.

There were a couple of nights when the pain was unbearable, and under different circumstances, I would have gone to the ER. But I can't go because that would be one more bill. So I sucked it up and prayed for the pain to end.

There are other medications I take that I can afford because they are included on Target's and Walgreen's prescription plan, which cost around $4 for a month's supply. But these medications are pain killers, which are addictive, have really uncool side effects, and mostly don't work for me. The one I need to actually stop these headaches isn't covered.

I wrote about my interview last week. I didn't mention that after I got home, I was in agony for about a day and a half after. This all SUCKS. My life has to stop because of my uncontrollable brain.

Sorry for today's rant, but I'm frustrated and still in pain, three days later. It's an awful place to be in, terrified of getting sick. And I know I'm not alone in this.

Insomnia

I've been unable to sleep unaided for a while. It's pretty annoying. I've forgotten how to fall asleep. I lay there and my mind just keeps going. And now my usual sleep aids are failing me. I was awake until after 4am last night. The massive headache that developed around 11pm last night may have exacerbated the situation. As I currently am on some serious pain killers for my headaches, I didn't want to take anything more than I already took. It's not cool when Vicodin no longer has any effect.

I am about to attempt sleeping now. I'm trying to clear my mind, but the events of this past week just keep playing in my head. As noted in my first post, I am not currently speaking to the man I love. This is not my choice. I am frustrated and sad.

Going to brush my teeth now. Wish me luck.