Adventures in Dating

I hadn't had much experience dating before 2009. I had boyfriends, but never really went on "dates." But then I had my "big break up" and decided to just go for it. And I jumped in head first.

I joined a dating site. I was a member for about a year and went on tons of dates. There were occasional follow-up dates, but for the most part, no one stuck. But I got a lot of great stories out of it. Back when I was dating, I considered starting a blog just to talk about the absurd situations I ended up in, and to talk about all of the odd boys I dated. There was Angry Guy, Smelly Guy, Jaws, Young Guy, the Lawyer, Father-of-twins, Pedo-biker, the Republican, Stalker Guy, Wrestler Guy, Pirate Guy, African Guy, Marriage Guy, Soccer Guy... You get the idea.

My point in writing this is that when Steve and I had our troubles, the first thought I had after he hung up was "omg I DO NOT think I handle dating again!" It was that bad.

Boy troubles

I just watched The Dilemma and it hit a little too close to home. The same problems that Steve and I have were displayed. I think the Jennifer Connelly character, Beth, actually said some things that I've said.
Our big problem has been communication. I've been feeling in the dark about a lot of things, and he doesn't think it's necessary to bring me into it, as his problems are just that. His.
In the movie, Vince Vaughn's character, Ronny, has been keeping a secret about his best friend to himself, not talking to his girlfriend Beth about it. His explanation is that it's his problem, and he has to fix it. Beth says to Ronny that he isn't "fixing anything, just breaking more things... If you don't let me in, how do I know how to fix it?" I teared up at that line. It's exactly where I am today. Frustrated that I don't know how to help him. Sad that he doesn't want my help. Furious because he left me alone. Confused because I have no idea what is going on. Terrified of losing him.
Yes I know that I'm reading a lot into a Vince Vaughn comedy, but I'm not in a happy place today. It's been a week since I've seen him.

Kitty come home!

I saw on Facebook that someone I know has lost their cats. This got me thinking about Wesley, who passed away in 2004. He was an outdoor cat and would be gone most of the day. I always wondered what he did when he roamed. It seems some researchers in Illinois wondered the same thing. They fitted 42 cats with radio tracking collars and tracked their movements for two years.



Apparently, cats who have owners wander around a much smaller area than feral cats. I would have loved if they fitted the cats with teeny cameras, so we could see what they were doing. I'm guessing napping. In sunbeams.
As I type this, Maya has come over and lain across my left arm between me and the laptop. I'm guessing someone wants attention.

Insomnia

I've been unable to sleep unaided for a while. It's pretty annoying. I've forgotten how to fall asleep. I lay there and my mind just keeps going. And now my usual sleep aids are failing me. I was awake until after 4am last night. The massive headache that developed around 11pm last night may have exacerbated the situation. As I currently am on some serious pain killers for my headaches, I didn't want to take anything more than I already took. It's not cool when Vicodin no longer has any effect.

I am about to attempt sleeping now. I'm trying to clear my mind, but the events of this past week just keep playing in my head. As noted in my first post, I am not currently speaking to the man I love. This is not my choice. I am frustrated and sad.

Going to brush my teeth now. Wish me luck.

Adventures in the kitchen

I have decided to cook. I am in need of comfort food. This is different from most days in that I tend to eat out, or have something prepared. I am making an effort to cook more.

Today's recipe: Hamburger helper from scratch. It will be good, believe me.

The recipe:

1 large onion, chopped

2 garlic cloves, minced

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 lb ground beef (or turkey) 

1 (26 ounce) can stewed or diced tomatoes (I used the one with basil added)

2 cups water

8 ounces pasta, uncooked (I used elbow today. I prefer rotini)

Adobo (or your choice of season salt) to taste

1 cup mozzarella cheese

I sauteed the onion and garlic in olive oil until translucent, then added the ground beef, cooking until browned. After draining the beef, I added the tomatoes, water, and pasta and cooked it on medium heat until the pasta was tender (about 20 mins). I added the mozzarella cheese to my portion before eating.
I got the original recipe off of food.com, and modified it to be yummier. I think I'll add mushrooms next time. Or zucchini. Or both.